One of the first things I saw on Vashon Island was a large, hand-painted sign reading, “Philip for Fire Commissioner.” Vashon is a small island in Puget Sound, a 30-minute ferry ride from downtown Seattle. I don’t know precisely how many people live here or how big it is but not many and not very. [...]
After much hullabaloo concerning the sheets, where I might have mentioned someone’s preference for crisp and ironed, our hostess decided she’d taken enough crap from the ungrateful people who ate all her ice cream: “They’re not pressed, they’re not fluffy, they don’t match. But FUCK YOU! THEY’RE TOWELS! …Welcome to Vashon.”
Friendly, innocuous-seeming questions are often the most likely to make you want to poke out your left eyeball with the nearest fork. Example one: “What’s your novel about?” If I’m on my game, I’ll simply regurgitate the plot of the novel currently sitting on my bedside table and hope the listener hasn’t read that one [...]
A nice, long post (full of carbs!) is coming as soon as I get my act together (which, put like that, could mean never) but, in the meantime, do any of you lovely people live in Seattle? Anyone ever BEEN to Seattle? If so, would you plan my trip for me? We’re going to be [...]
I was walking home today when I spotted a dollar drifting in the weeds next to the highway overpass. Homeless people tend to congregate there, so my first thought was that someone else could use that dollar far more than I could. I kept walking. Until I remembered yesterday. Jemima and I were walking to [...]
One of the first things I saw on our camping trip last week, besides this: …was this: Bumblebee Auschwitz. I felt bad for the poor, dead creatures until I was sitting serenely by the lake and a bee came out of nowhere and BIT ME. After I stopped jumping up and down and shrieking at [...]
My poor mother. She’s being yanked around mercilessly. A few months ago, her granny lust was promised fulfillment. The heavens opened up and light shone down upon her head as the wheels under her hair started clicking toward Baby Gap. My inbox was suddenly full of emails that said things like “I’m going to Belgium [...]
There is a very confused dog guarding the door. She sees sleeping bags being wrestled into canvas sacks and bathing suits being checked for mold and she is concerned. Concerned that we might be going somewhere fun, somewhere with squirrels, and not planning to bring her along. So she’s lying in wait, ears perked, tail [...]
Last week was not a stellar one for the flip flop population of the world. Last week also proved that Target is the last place one should ever purchase shoes they expect to protect their feet from the elements. By elements, I mean 22nd St. Including the corner used as an office by all the [...]
Whenever I mention the fast approaching Procreation Plan, the first question out of people’s mouths is inevitably, “Are you getting married?” It’s a very good question. One that becomes increasingly awkward as I sit there and chew my cud because I don’t know how to answer. My own feelings about marriage are somewhat confused. Overall, [...]
