I have to admit, I was nervous about BlogHer. I come from a long line of hermits, hermits who sit in log cabins in the wilderness spit polishing the shotgun just in case that bastard squirrel from the next county strays into the vegetable patch again. Fine, it’s only my dad who polishes his shotgun [...]
I have found my people. I never thought my mecca would be the purple carpet of the W hotel, but it is so. Because you know what can be done on a purple carpet? The worm. And the worm, my friends, is awesome. Especially in thoroughbred racing form. Sure, there was some blatant cheating and [...]
Been Bitch Slapped By a Cat When you kindly take a dog around the block to pee, kindly because you really didn’t HAVE to do this, you could have stayed in bed and forced the dog to cradle a stomach that closely resembles a water balloon – but when you do take the dog out, [...]
“Exultant terror” might accurately describe my emotional state right now. Or perhaps “feverishly delighted to spend Monday eating burritos in the sun instead of hunched over a desk.” Or, at some point in the near future, “Can I just tell people I’m an alpaca farmer so I don’t have to say ‘unemployed’? No? Can I [...]
I had the house all to myself this past week and, let me tell you, it was liberating. Liberating to make the bed everyday and place the throw pillow just so. Liberating to eradicate all crumbs from the kitchen counter with a blue-sponged flourish. Some people enjoy their solitude with a bottle of beer and [...]
When it comes to birthdays, I have all the maturity of a spoiled five year-old. A spoiled five year-old with an affinity for rum. I don’t know how many mojitos I drank, but I do know I woke up the next morning to find two empty bottles of rum, a dozen glasses full of minty [...]
Living in the Mission is a lot of fun, especially on the Fourth of July. Assuming you can fall asleep to the sweet sound of bottle rockets, M80s, and teenagers yelling “OH SHIT!” and diving behind the nearest car when the fuse they’ve just lit accidentally explodes six inches off the ground. On July 4th, [...]
I once worked with a girl who would spend hours googling her husband’s ex. It was a fertile pond to dredge, as this ex was a Swedish model with flowing blonde locks and three pert freckles on her pert little nose. Everything on this woman was pert. My coworker would spend those hours staring at [...]
