It has been statistically proven that I was smarter when I was 15. I was a font of calm wisdom. Friends came to me for advice. I was proclaimed “mature”. I had no idea what I was talking about. Around the time I started to get some real-world experience, my serenity – and my much-touted [...]
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up….Too late.”
My mouth needs a rewind button. And maybe a detachable jaw for those haunches of beef I can never quite fit in one go.
Scenario One:
“Here is an unmistakable sign of my deep, deep love for you. It’s even on a platter.”
“Um. That’s a burrito.”
Scenario Two:
“Did you get that email I sent you? The one that proclaimed my affection and why?”
“I was busy so I skimmed it. Did it say anything important?”
~~~
Internet, I would try to demonstrate my [...]
Self-help books will tell you that love and respect are a necessary foundation for strong relationships. Luckily, I don’t pay any attention to those books. I prefer titles like I’m Right and You’re Wrong, Rub My Feet and Fetch Me Cookies And I Won’t Start Screaming Again and If You Think I Have Faults You [...]
