Comments on: You People Are Smarter Than I Am. So, Help.

By: tink

tink — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 16:13:28 +0000

I show love and respect by looking past the things I don’t like and focusing on the things I do like. You get what you pay attention to. If you want the trash taken out, take it out. Maybe he doesn’t care about the trash right now. Don’t nag about the small stuff. Many years ago, I was really pissed at my husband and he deserved my wrath. However, we had a rare three day weekend and had planned for a much anticipated camping trip. Unfortnately, we couldn’t go because I “had” to be angry and he “had” to be punished. Dang. I was also going to have a crummy weekend. Hmmmmm. I would eventually forgive him, but them the weekend would be over and we would have missed out on a good time. By some stroke of genius I decided to fast forward to forgiveness. We had a wonderful time on our camping trip. Good memories rather then bad. In most relationships, You get what you give. Treat each other like bestfriends. Love and respect

By: milomilo2

milomilo2 — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 13:44:47 +0000

Roomba’s rock! My Roomba is constant, reliable and cleans the house (action: showing me it’s love) while I’m at work. My fiance doesn’t…(not that it matters, well sometimes it does.)

There is something to say for dating and being single — you always see the best of them for a short while, then can go home to your own space, turn on the televsision, sit in your underwear on the bed with with your drooling dogs while stuffing your face with a favorite fast food. I miss that…!

These days, it’s tofu, vegetables, knick-knacks and furniture which isn’t mine and a very uncomfortable, small couch where I can’t stretch-out with my dogs.

By: Mr. Toast

Mr. Toast — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 01:31:25 +0000

Have you considered a Roomba? I’m serious. According to the Wall St. Journal, just “turn it on, walk out the door to go to work, and return at the end of the day to find a clean floor.” Never mind the obvious comparison to a human being in that statement, if it gets the floors clean without you having to hire a housekeeper or soil your dainty hooves, it might be a reasonable compromise.

By: Jhianna

Jhianna — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 22:52:09 +0000

Mine is alternating who takes out the trash and cleans up after the BigWhiteBeast (dog). I had no idea that WhatsHisFace hated it so very much until some very pointed grumblings erupted.

I just figured that in the grand scheme of things, having a happy man was more important than a 5 (or 30 – she’s a big dog, whew) minute chore.

By: Staci

Staci — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 13:29:28 +0000

I recycle. Hubster thinks it’s the right thing to do, but it’s incredibly boring and I’m honestly not convinced the “recyclables” actually go somewhere else. Also, we end up with little grocery sacks full of bottles, cans and milk jugs and paper bags with paper products sitting in our laundry room for up to two weeks, longer if we forget. But, he thinks it’s important, so I do it and I don’t complain.

I also cook every night. Even if I make a vat of something and we eat it for three days straight, there’s something healthy to eat pretty much every night. When he’s out of town, I eat Lean Cuisines, sour cream and onion Lays, and lots and lots of cereal. I LOVE to cook, but every night, not so much. I kind of hate it sometimes. I do it because it’s important to him. Also, he does have a talent for cleaning potties, something I detest doing, so it’s a more than fair exchange on my part.

Like Schnozz said, if sweeping gets it done for him, get to sweeping!

By: Penguin

Penguin — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 03:59:17 +0000

When in doubt, try an out of body experience. Sit on your own shoulder -totally detached from the moment–and look at your mate and ask yourself honestly….”Is this still the same person I fell in love with?” Remind yourself what attracted you to that person and then be honest-has the person changed or has your atttitude changed? More than likely he’s the same person and you’ve slipped into the idea that he should change. Amazing how that clears the air and takes the heat out of an argument and replaces it with reason and perspective.

If all else fails of course, you can sit a dummy on your lap and have it do the talking……if you can do it with a straight face, you’ll be lucky and if you can’t …….well then you’re equally lucky and probably in love all over again.

By: Schnozz

Schnozz — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 01:19:35 +0000

I’m with Jeci. The first thing I thought was, “If sweeping means love to him, then SWEEP, woman!”

It’s kind of an unpleasant solution, but I have to admit it’s pretty logical. And if it cheers you, I do it myself. Every week, before Mr. S comes home, I clean the house. And I hate absolutely every minute of it. All two thousand of the minutes it takes me, because I drag my feet the ENTIRE. TIME.

But he loves it. He loves that he never asked me to do it, he loves that I’ve committed to it on my own, and he loves that I’m still doing it, three frigging years after I decided that it was the best way to show I cared. He has paid me back in full, complete with belabored, misspelled e-mails declaring his affection. And you know he hates every minute he spends writing those.

So, essentially, now we both willingly make ourselves miserable for love. I consider it a success story.

By: jeci

jeci — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 01:06:21 +0000

I’m with the anonymous comment. Having been on the other side of the sweeping=love equation, I just needed my husband to sweep before all the stuff he said about loving me held any water. And he needed me to be say more lovey dovey stuff (apparently getting screamed at for not sweeping didn’t make him feel loved). We both just had to make the conscious effort to love each other the way we needed to be loved. And someone had to be the first to do it (it was him), but things quite naturally fell into step after that.

By: Marriage-101

Marriage-101 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:44:26 +0000

Oh yay! Relationship questions! I love these. First of all, read the book “The Five Love Languages.” It tells you how to deal with a partner that may speak a different love language than you. I would say, you are “Words of Affirmation” and he is “Acts of Service.”

Anyway, start there and call me in the morning.

As for me, well, you don’t want my personal experiences because I start arguments just because I’m bored and I feel it’s too quiet around here. Usually goes something like this “I need some yelling! Make some noise, damnit! Okay, I’m sorry, now shutup and let’s make out.” Very effective.

By: Catwalker

Catwalker — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:40:17 +0000

MB got me into the concept of ‘enhancing the other one’s experience’ – which is kinda cool, it always keeps you in the frame of mind to consider how your own actions affect the other one. And the PRO housecleaning argument (he was into I was not – maybe i’m both actions and words) was that he didn’t like or care about making the house clean via his own labor but did want it clean, and I wanted it clean and like to clean, we continued with a housecleaner so that resentment wouldn’t build (because I did the lionshare of the cleaning) and it erased it as an issue. it’s a small amount to pay each month for guaranteed reduced resentment. plus now we have more time to sit in the same room on different computers and IM each other