Hooray for the Good Drugs
Posted by Moose on January 16th, 2007. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.When you wake up at 5:30 a.m. with muscle spasms that have you rolling helplessly in bed and moaning in pain, you have two choices:
1. Continue to flail about and groan piteously, waking up bedmate, dog, and quite possibly the drunk passed out under your bedroom window.
2. Be stupid.
I chose option 2. Taking a muscle relaxant at 5:30 a.m. guarantees that you’ll wake up at 8:30 a.m. stupider than you’ve ever been. And that includes the time you decided to climb a sheer rock face in sandals. And went out on a date with the guy who claimed to be an Indian prince. (If he’d said “Indian Princess” not only would I have gone with it, I probably would have married him. Because: awesome. But no.) You’ll get out of bed, weave around the house trying to figure out what it is you should be doing, make coffee without any coffee beans, realize that what you should be doing? Is sitting in front of your computer at work because you’re dreadfully late. You’ll then sit down in front of your computer in the kitchen and gaze dully at it because only the “computer” portion of the previous sentence infiltrated your chemical-induced haze. You’ll drink some coffee, wonder why it tastes like water, and then get up and weave some more. Possibly with a lamp shade on your head because it’s cold. And when it’s cold you should wear a hat.
It’s now 3:30 p.m. and I’m mostly recovered. Though possibly still stupid.
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January 16th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
I would do just about the same thing, but without the coffee.
January 16th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
“Memory problems can be avoided if you only take Ambien when you have a full 8 hours to dedicate to sleep.”
My favorite TV drug disclaimer, although “Adavair increases the chances of Asthma-related death, so it is not for people whose Asthma is well controlled by other medications.”
Death is one hell of a side effect?!?!
=darwin
January 16th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
ok, i laughed so hard when i read this that i snorted. loud. loud enough to make my boyfriend look over and crack up laughing too.
why? because the one time i decided to take a muscle relaxant in the middle of the night, i woke up and put coffee beans in the water reservoir. then i dumped the water in and i made the coffee… water. then realizing what i had done, i unplugged the coffee maker, cleaned it out, and poured the beans into the grinder. i hit the button and walked away… not realizing that this time i forgot the water. when i made it back from walking aimlessly around the house fifteen minutes later and figured out what i had done wrong this time i sat down on the floor with my coffee cup and stared at the wall.
oh, i hear your pain.
January 17th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I like it when drunks sleep under my window. It’s like having a smelly, incoherent guardian angel.
January 17th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Awesome!
After reading this, I can’t understand why I haven’t kept up with
reading your blog.
January 18th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I gotta agree with marrying the guy who calls himself an “Indian Princess”.
And I’ve been that stupid, but it usually involves either a really high fever or kick-but sinus meds. It was regular, run of the mill stupidity that caused me to overflow the coffee all over the counter, floor, and all the electrical appliances on the counter next to the coffee maker. But I now know that it doesn’t take a coffee pot and a half full of water to fill the resevoir, even if the little line says so.
January 19th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
That’s why I use a Bodum. Too many steps with a perk coffee maker.
:^)