If You Value Your Svelte Thighs, Don’t Come to My House
Posted by Moose on January 15th, 2007. Filed under: I Live to Eat.In the past week or so, I have made waffles, chocolate mousse, an onion bacon tart, and blondies. Staring at some highly unappetizing bananas this morning, I didn’t just dump them in the garbage. Or even leave them molding on the counter for someone else to deal with. I actually considered making banana bread out of them.
Don’t worry, I stopped myself. You can wipe that worried look off your face now.
The aforementioned waffles? From scratch, people. And not the scratch that involves ripping open a yellow box and popping a cardboard circle in the toaster. Please note my somewhat-less-than-subtle disdain for anything NOT HOMEMADE. Shoot me now. Seriously, do it. Before I get even more annoying. I’m two meals away from growing a maple tree in my kitchen so I can drain the sap for fresh syrup. Waffles with fresh tree juice are one thing. I can explore the delights of yeast and what happens when you rip open a package too vehemently and send yeast raining onto your head while maintaining my reckless reputation. But it only takes one onion tart to turn me from respectable rapscallion into GOD.
Did you know that homemade crust has the power to change lives? To convince people previously staunch in their convictions that eating animals? Not such a big deal after all. (Warning: here’s where I get really insufferable. You know, if calling myself God hasn’t already done it.) I put the onion bacon tart down in front of a vegetarian friend and SHE TOTALLY ATE IT. I didn’t even have to lie to her about what the brown chunks were. I’m still glowing.
But, don’t worry. Domesticity hasn’t completely altered my winning personality. My stereo is still covered in dust and the dog hair has begun to organize on the couch. The government is in the early stages yet, but I expect to see condo developments by next week.
But that thing I said about not making the banana bread?
I lied.
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January 16th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Hmmm, svelte thighs sound nice. Not quite as nice as waffles from scratch and banana bread, however.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:12 am
So I have three bananas that are slowly turning black on my countertop. Until today, I’d successfully resisted the impulse to make some bread. *sigh* Guess I should start looking for a good recipe….
January 16th, 2007 at 11:50 am
For a long time, bacon was the only thing I craved as a vegetarian. Then I discovered MorningStar Farms Fakin’ Bacon. Mmmm–fatty cardboard dyed bright red!
January 16th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
1. who cares about svelte thighs?
2. chocolate mousse, homemade? divine!
3. i’ve been making tasty fruit smoothies with my browning bananas, although (don’t shoot me!) i used frozen strawberries.
though those don’t compare to the incomparable smell of freshly made banana bread…mmm…
keep up the good work and show us more pictures of your creations!
January 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Smart you! Banana bread is the only way to go with anything resembling a bruise. Thanks for my first comment, by the way. You do realize that when I have nothing to say random images emerge. Get ready, it’s gonna be a wild ride!