It’s No Roast Beast, But It’ll Do
Posted by Moose on December 18th, 2006. Filed under: Tis the Season.How is it even possible to be hungry after:
1 frosted brownie
5 squares of chocolate
2 mini chocolate chip cookies
3 Mexican wedding cookies
and
4-7 things I’ve already forgotten about
How, people? This list doesn’t even include the food with actual nutritional value: the stew, the cheese, the crackers, the (really quite sublime) breakfast sandwich, the mocha and the salami. My skin is turning a fuzzy, Grinch-y green, but it’s not my heart growing three sizes – it’s my stomach. No, wait. Sorry. That would be my butt. My stomach is just struggling to keep up.
In other holiday news, I have managed to refrain from eating all the chocolate out of the advent calendar. Meeka has not (yet) converted the Christmas tree into her own personal indoor toilet. A Muppet Christmas Carol is right now winging it’s way from the Amazon Pole. I’ve spent entirely too much time thinking about cylindrical meat. December has, so far, been merry and bright.
Now please excuse me. An entire package of salami is eagerly awaiting liberation from the arctic confines of the fridge.
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December 19th, 2006 at 7:00 am
Moose,
Don’t eat the salami.
Jason
December 19th, 2006 at 7:17 am
Good job on refraining from eating all of the advent calendar so far. That’s why I don’t get to have one in my house. I can never seem to keep from opening all the little doors. I just want to see what’s inside! And then of course, once the doors are open, you might as well go ahead and eat the chocolate, right? You don’t want it to go bad. I’m glad you’re enjoying the holiday season, especially the culinary parts.
December 19th, 2006 at 9:03 am
I don’t know how my mom did it, but the whole time we were growing up I didn’t even know that advent calendars and chocolate came together – we some how had the kind that only had drawings of trees, santa and the dear baby jesus behind the doors, and glitter – that’s the part I liked… but I had to wait until I was an adult before discovering the joy and sorrow of the fact that I could open those doors out of order, even (!), and find chocolate to eat!!!
happy christmas!!!!!
December 19th, 2006 at 7:13 pm
i was told it was a “sin” to open them before the date listed, now i know better! Jesus WANTS me to open all the little doors in on sitting!
really…. he told me…. i mean he was speaking through the cat… or was that the jagermeister
December 19th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
Christmas desserts don’t make you full because we have a completely separate stomach for desserts–commonly referred to as the “dessert stomach.” This stomach diverts cookies, brownies, etc. from your digestive tract and converts them directly to junk, then places said junk in your trunk.
December 20th, 2006 at 2:59 am
Dessert stomach! No wonder I failed biology — I missed these structures in dissected frogs. Wait a second. Do frogs don’t eat dessert … or do they? I must immedieatly perform a chocolate cake experiment to test Whyioughtta’s claims.
December 20th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Dessert stomach? Couldn’t there possibly be a detachable ass fat storage compartment too? Please say yes…
December 31st, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Look folks, it is a well known biological fact that the whole purpose of a dessert stomach is to bypass the entire caloric breakdown process so that the body does not absorb all those damn calories. This is modern man’s evolutionary adaptation to a serious modern problem. So, not to worry folks, our bodies take care of us.
Contrary to the Fundamentalist’s preaching, Darwinism rocks.