Ten days off work usually means carefully color-coded lists filled with all sorts of improbable action items like scrub grout, alphabetize book shelves, and chew food before swallowing. (Why? What does ten days off mean to you?) My vacation was also to include a plane ride to Hawaii, but that got filed under Thinking, Wishful. [...]
I am a walking advertisement for New Conservatory Theatre. My drooping head just clonked down onto the listing waiting to be typed up and now the text is ground into my forehead. I am classier than Miss Piggy in a beer shack. Classier than Miss Piggy wearing a purple leather bustier in a beer shack. [...]
How is it even possible to be hungry after: 1 frosted brownie 5 squares of chocolate 2 mini chocolate chip cookies 3 Mexican wedding cookies and 4-7 things I’ve already forgotten about How, people? This list doesn’t even include the food with actual nutritional value: the stew, the cheese, the crackers, the (really quite sublime) [...]
I never read the business section of the newspaper (it contains neither shoes nor comics), but I made an exception today. Why such an unprecedented change in policy? Because it offered to explain the inner workings of my soul based on the contents of my email inbox. I’m generally smart enough to roll my eyes [...]
Christmas shopping can be challenging when most people on your list don’t hanker for material things. I do not understand this mentality, the one that says, “I don’t really see the need for cashmere sweaters, diamonds or ponies.” This type of thinking renders me speechless. But I wasn’t going to get you cashmere or diamonds [...]
1. Clocked my head with the business end of a desk. 2. Heard my mother say, “I don’t think I’m a Buddhist any more.” 3. Convinced someone to buy me a large piece of furniture. 4. Learned that upside down Christmas trees aren’t, in fact, a lie perpetuated to taunt the gullible. 5. Made some [...]
Filled with rugged ardor, we trekked into the Santa Cruz Mountains last Saturday to chop down a fresh, reasonably priced Christmas tree. “Fresh” and “reasonably priced” are excellent standards for a tree. Another good one might have been “the right height.” I am here to tell you that trees look a lot smaller in the [...]
I’m one of the most uptight perfectionists I know. Since my address book is choking on people who grimace at improper verb tenses and delight in list-making, this is a damn impressive accomplishment. My social circle is a bastion for the chronically uptight and I am their queen. [Friends now reading and thinking, "I am [...]
