My hair is very fine and, at the moment, very short. I have to smear strange substances on my head every morning before leaving the house. If I don’t, I resemble a bit of milkweed fluff. Or a chia pet.
If there’s a national shoe shortage, I’ll come out swinging. All other problems will be met with a blank stare.
Smack in the middle of my forehead is a white crescent moon, courtesy of a door handle in Jamaica. We weren’t supposed to be in Jamaica for more than an hour, but apparently an hour isn’t time enough to make it through the labyrinth that calls itself a customs line. Why you need to go [...]
Having the last name “Muggleby” was probably quite acceptable until that damn J.K. Rowling came along.
I’m feeling alarmingly stupid. I opened up the refrigerator door and promptly forgot what I was looking for. I came to about three minutes later, staring at the lettuce and feeling very cold. Today is not the day to get that call from the White House. You know the one. Where someone says, in a [...]
Last night, I wallowed in my crisp, white sheets and contemplated ways to convince the dog to fetch me ice cream from the corner store. The dog showed marked reluctance to get off her duff and help out around the house. Part of me realized that this is not the dog’s job. Most of me [...]
Thanks to the conveniently translucent French doors in my kitchen, I often see you going about your business. At least, the business you carry out in your backyard. Business You Carry Out In Your Backyard is usually one of two things: 1. Strumming a guitar on the steps, with a faraway look in your eye [...]
Wise advice from Warren Zevon, passed on to the unruly masses watching David Letterman shortly before Zevon died of lung cancer. How often do you forget to do this? If you’re anything like me, that answer would be, “Every damn day.” While it’s a bit gloomy to think, better enjoy this sandwich IN CASE I [...]
It only took 11 days of NaBloPoMo for me to crack. I present to you, with all due ceremony, a haiku about my belly button lint. A Haiku about My Belly Button Lint My belly button Is too clean, so this haiku Really doesn’t work Bummer.
I am the queen of privilege. I have everything I need, many things I want, and a whole bunch of crap that really needs to be tossed out already. I have more than enough, more than most people. I am lucky. Yet I always feel like something is missing. And I panic about it. Very [...]
