The Barrel Has Been Scraped
Posted by Moose on November 29th, 2006. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.What you are about to read is the sad, sad product of writers block. Part of my job is to write about theater. My attempts to stay employed sometimes go horribly awry. I decided to write whatever popped to mind, just to keep typing.
It didn’t help, if you care.
Since NaBloPoMo doesn’t end for another two days, and I need to post today, and the writing isn’t going very well, as demonstrated by this sentence with all the commas, I’m forcing upon you the jumbled mess that is my thought process. Here, copied straight from the ill-fated document in all its unedited glory, is a terrifying example of why I so desperately need rewrites. And, no, you don’t get paragraph breaks. Paragraph breaks are for sissies.
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I don’t have anything to say about this goddamn play. Presidents. Why do I care about dead presidents? Aside from the fact that they set our country on its present course which, frankly, I DON’T LIKE VERY MUCH. I wish I was a dog. Dogs don’t have to type. Dogs just get shuffled into the backseat of the car for a trip to the beach, and then they come home to eat or sleep – whichever they prefer – and then afterward they do whichever one they didn’t do. Not sure I’d like dog food much and I am rather attached to the bed, but the fact remains that if I were a dog, I would be napping right now. THAT IS A HARD FACT TO TRUMP. EVEN WITH MY MASTERCARD. I do like my mastercard. It buys me cheese and paperback novels and lets me get on the train when my ass is too lazy to walk. Dogs usually have to walk. That’s because people don’t like dogs on the train. Don’t know why. Dogs are a lot nicer and a hell of a lot cleaner many of the people who ride the train, especially after 11 pm. Of course, dogs don’t have credit cards. If a dog had a line of credit upward of $8,000, I bet it would get a lot more respect.
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This is where I stopped because DEAR GOD.
Please note that it was very hard for me to post that mess. Uptight perfectionists don’t like messes. Except the ones in their kitchens, because who wants to do dishes on a regular basis when there’s a couch and some cheese right in the next room? Being an uptight perfectionist is troublesome when you’re also completely lazy.
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November 29th, 2006 at 11:09 pm
I understand the plight of the lazy perfectionist oh so very well.
November 30th, 2006 at 12:14 am
“Dogs are a lot nicer and a hell of a lot cleaner many of the people who ride the train, especially after 11 pm.”
A!-men.*
* I don’t really know what I’m talking about, as I haven’t ridden a train for about three years, but I do remember some people smelling on said train, and it WAS 2am, so maybe that counts for something?
(Also: You are funny.)
November 30th, 2006 at 12:22 am
You know, if the theater reviews in our paper were half as entertaining as yours, I might read them more often.
I don’t have a dog but I’m considering getting one, if only to latch on to it’s excellent credit.
November 30th, 2006 at 10:35 am
And I don’t think that dogs are ever jackasses on purpose. Whereas, I often am. And so many of the people around me are, too. Dogs are just cooler than people, with or without the credit.
November 30th, 2006 at 11:57 am
Moose, I hear ya on the writer’s block. But you’ve nearly made it to the finish line, and on Friday you’re more than welcome to join me as I celebrate NaNoMoFoBloPo.