Another Glimpse into the Pitch-Black Depths of My Laziness
Posted by Moose on November 15th, 2006. Filed under: How To.Last night, I wallowed in my crisp, white sheets and contemplated ways to convince the dog to fetch me ice cream from the corner store. The dog showed marked reluctance to get off her duff and help out around the house. Part of me realized that this is not the dog’s job. Most of me just wanted some ice cream without having to move. (If someone writes a self-help book entitled, The Dog Is Not Your Butler: Accept It, I will totally buy it.)
My plan: Hang a sign around her neck ( “One pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge chunk to go, please”), shove a five dollar bill in her collar, open the door, point toward the corner store (a mere 17 steps from the front door, if you need further proof of my hideous sloth) and instruct her to bark at the clerk until he notices the cute dog with a sign around her neck, wagging her tail below his counter, and sends her home with a pint of ice cream.
My puppy-exploiting plan had merit. Unfortunately, I was also too lazy to find a pen to make the sign.
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November 15th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Dogs. They totally have it figured out that we are their slaves, and they love it.
November 15th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
I think you have a plan…can you teach my cats to fold laundry after you make the sign?
November 15th, 2006 at 6:46 pm
After embarrassingly dressing your dog in an apron and cat ears, I think he’ll wise-up to your antics and would con the Chinchilla to go in his place.
November 15th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
new low… time to celebrate with ice cream! or something sweet and in reach.
November 15th, 2006 at 8:14 pm
I’ve tried training my husband to do similar activities, but he doesn’t cooperate either. He’s in cahoots with the cat.
Mr Toast says hi.
November 15th, 2006 at 8:30 pm
Sometimes, if one of us is downstairs and the other one is upstairs and we’re feeling exceptionally lazy, we attach notes to the dog and tell him to go find the other one. I wish the dog was my butler.
November 15th, 2006 at 8:41 pm
Holy shit, Jenn. That is awesome. I almost swallowed my tongue I was laughing so hard. I wish my house was bigger so I could try that.
November 15th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
I am so lucky. My husband totally runs to the corner store to get me snacks. He will also get me a drink from the fridge when we’re both on the couch and I simply don’t feel like getting up. It really is one of the reasons I married him.
November 15th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
I think you, Queen of Le Lentil, should write that book. And I think the pink-apron-laden pup would make the perfect cover shot. ; ) No, but really. I’m serious. The winky face was just (because I’m compulsive with the smilies, and also) to throw you off scent. I’m sneaky that like. ; ) (GAH. There I go AGAIN.)
November 16th, 2006 at 10:25 am
I’ve only ever attempted to get the dog to bring me the remote. If I let her out the front door (even with a note), she’d wander back 4 days later with a slobbery baseball and Cherry Garcia all over her face.
December 4th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
That would be a great photo op though … I say do it, for creativity’s sake