Proclamation: Indecisive People Are Henceforth Banned From Running Contests

Posted by Moose on October 3rd, 2006. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.

So many excellent interview suggestions, so few clones of myself to actually do all those interviews. (One clone was made, but she turned out a bit…simple. All she does is wander the city searching for cookies while wearing a hat made of aluminum foil and twigs.) If you’ve ever eaten with me in a restaurant or watched me try to get dressed in the morning, you know that my decision-making process involves graphing paper, pie charts, and an eight ball.

Suffice it to say, the winner(s) has not yet been chosen. So instead of giving you cookies, I would like to regale you with tales of how busy I’ve been.

Busy, you say? How enthralling. What a new, unusual experience.

[crickets chirping]

Don’t think I can’t hear your sarcasm.

And if you think I can’t ignore said sarcasm, you obviously don’t have a very high opinion of my ability to tune out reality. But I’m beginning to suspect that reality has a bit of a crush on me. It simply won’t go away. It keeps calling and emailing and sending me bills. Do you think I can take out a restraining order?

Stunning Tales of How I Actually Got Work Done

Fine, they’re not that stunning. But I would like it noted that last night I stared at my computer for six hours. I only clicked over to check my email three times. Three times, people. The algebraic formula for this event exploded in a shower of random lower case letters because such a thing is just not possible.

The trauma of this unwarranted behavior has rendered me a babbling, simpering fool.

How is that any different than usual, you ask? Babbling, simpering fools are entirely incapable of finding the coffee pot so they can at least fake having an IQ greater than that of an inebriated squirrel.

That, my friends, is why I do my utmost never to be productive. The world just doesn’t need any more inebriated squirrels.

Related posts:

  1. Soon = Whenever My Lazy Tail Gets Off the Couch
  2. Moose, Patron Saint of Cookies
  3. Cookie Contest for Underachievers
  4. Return of the Ever-Elusive Cookie Contest
  5. The Shame is Debilitating. The Cookies Were Delicious.
«
»

3 Responses to Proclamation: Indecisive People Are Henceforth Banned From Running Contests

  1. Jason
    October 3rd, 2006 at 6:01 pm

    Umm, is this a rule for your website, for for all websites? I need to know this before I make another post on mysite.

    Please keep me informed.

    Thanks
    Jason

  2. Moose
    October 3rd, 2006 at 8:30 pm

    Dear Jason,

    To which rule are you referring?

    I don’t really have rules for web sites. I do, however, have rules for contests on web sites. Or at least contests on MY web site. Indecisiveness can be rude when it affects other people. What if someone is waiting on tenterhooks (query: tenterhook, definition of – anyone know?) to find out if they will be receiving cookies sometime soon? What if they put off a trip to the store for oreos in hopes that I would send them a nice little tin of something tasty? I would hate to be responsible for someone going without cookies. I would feel guilty for weeks. Weeks, I tell you. So I try not to be indecisive with my contests.

    Clearly, I am failing miserably.

    Moose

  3. Jason
    October 4th, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    Dear Moose,

    I was speaking about the banning of contests. I don’t have any reason or need for a contest now, but I may want to have one in the future. I was just making sure that the ban was only for your site, and not the Interweb in general.

    Thanks
    Jason

    p.s. ten·ter·hook (tĕn’tər-hʊk’) n. A hooked nail for securing cloth on a tenter.

Leave a Reply