Number of M&Ms consumed: 9,641 Number of peanut M&Ms consumed: 3,611 Number of costumes originally conceived and lovingly crafted: 0 Number of decisions made about whether to sit at the top of the stairs (force the greedy little bastards to work for their candy) or the bottom (will totally cave and come down the stairs [...]
I’ve always had an excuse for not participating in NaNoWriMo. One year I had a hangnail. (Hey. They’re painful.) Another year I had a particularly bad case of belly button lint. This year, I have NaBloPoMo. National Blog Posting Month commences on Wednesday. I wait with keen and hungry anticipation. As should you, my dear [...]
Don’t watch Shaun of the Dead right before climbing into bed. No matter how brilliant the scene where they sort madly through records to fling at the zombies who are slowly approaching, you don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night afraid to go to the bathroom because you know, just know, [...]
Don’t read a book about vampires right before you go to sleep. Vampires will chase you through your dreams all night long and you’ll wake up really tired.
Sometimes I have trouble dealing with the world. It insists on badgering my psyche into tremulous emotions. Like the ones you get from those movies where the heroine du jour is crying in the rain to a soundtrack by Deathcab for Cutie, and you eat up every second of it, allowing your tormented soul to [...]
Stare blankly at the dollar bill you’ve just been handed. Be informed that it’s not for you, it’s for the girl on stage who’s actually earning it. (Because anyone who can do that with nipple tassles deserves a dollar.) Register your suspicion that the owner of the dollar bill really wants to do it himself [...]
Today was the perfect autumn day in New York. The sky was bright blue, the sun filtered through turning leaves to gild the street with gold, and the subway rerouted us somewhere we hadn’t intended to go. This place had cinnamon tea, shoe sales, and cobblestone streets. Someone will have to lure me onto the [...]
Having been raised on a steady diet of camping and Motel 6, staying somewhere with a terrace and brandy in a decanter makes me feel like a complete fraud. But since frauds get to drink brandy while tossing pencils off the balcony onto the heads of unsuspecting passersby, I’m totally on board with the fraud [...]
In half an hour we leave for the airport. This airport holds the plane that will lift us gently off the ground and deposit us in New York. In an amount of time that makes hardy, pioneering ancestors spit with disdain from under large, wiry moustaches before recounting the winter of ’66. Something about a [...]
Last night, we went to In ‘n’ Out Burger. The line of cars for the drive-up window wrapped all the way around the parking lot and into the street. Using a cunning sense of time management and a greater than average willingness to employ two of our four limbs, we got out of the car, [...]
