The Crown, It Doth Bind
Posted by Moose on August 30th, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized.The Princess of Negativity is relinquishing her title. Legal requirements include: shutting my yawp, undergoing an attitude renovation, and ceasing to refer to myself in the third person. My brain rebels against such blatant manipulation, but my teeth are pleading with me to preserve the remaining nubbins of enamel in my clenched jaw.
Phase One: Shutting the Yawp
I have yet to actually shut my mouth when I say I’ll shut my mouth, so we’ll just forget I mentioned it.
Phase Two: Attitude Realignment
The good news: this should be cheaper than realignment of anything to do with a motor vehicle. The bad news: I can’t just drop my car off at the shop and pick it up in four days. Damn.
Good things – things that do not reek of pessimism and neuroses or otherwise stink of self-involvement (well, they do. But it’s a cheerful self-involvement!) – in a list because I do like the lists. Even when the post-its with their lists multiply like unneutered bunnies and begin to eat my desk alive, spitting out splinters and gnawing on electrical cords.
Ways to make yourself happy when you’d really just rather be lying in bed:
1. Chase the dog around the living room with the dust buster. Hours of fun.
2. Drink lots of water. Weigh yourself with the scale you just found in the basement. Pee. Weigh yourself again. Laugh hysterically over the fact that you’ve apparently lost five pounds since yesterday. Consider drinking less water.
3. Receive photos from the wedding. Laugh hysterically because everyone else appears to be having dignified conversations while you perform a previously unidentified form of the chicken dance.
4. Realize you might be getting a bit hysterical, what with all the hysterical laughing.
5. Get a little package in the mail from Squid. The envelope is red. Pause to reflect on the utter awesomeness of red envelopes. Open the envelope to find the mother of all key chains:
Reflect on the utter awesomeness of a moose head that hold your keys.
6. Declare this attitude readjustment enough for one day. Recognize that, after three weeks of glaring at unsuspecting strangers, a cheerful disposition is something to be eased into. Perhaps with another chicken dance for good measure.
August 30th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH. MY. GOD.
That picture is hilarious. The sun sifting softly through the trees … friendly faces turned toward one another in friendship on this special day … and Moose, having some sort of seizure.
You should be proud of this picture. It just proves that you cannot stop rocking out, even when you try. “What? Stand still? Look dignified? I cannot. My index finger pops out of its own accord, and my knee pumps upward as I stomp my foot to the joyous beat of life. The Man cannot stop my finger OR my knee. The Man cannot stop … me.” You are clearly fighting the power in this picture. AND WINNING.
August 30th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
Wait til you see them all…….but I agree, this is the topper!
August 30th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Okay, how much of a loser am I if I actually clicked on the door that says it goes nowhere??
August 31st, 2006 at 7:05 am
sweatpantsmom- no more of a loser than the rest of us nowhere clicking losers…
squid- NICE FIND!
August 31st, 2006 at 8:40 am
Thats like some Extra Funky, Funky Chicken dance…with a dash of George Clinton and ALL the P.Funk All-Stars
August 31st, 2006 at 12:05 pm
I’m glad to see you’re feeling a bit better as I have been wringing my hands fretting about how you cannot see your own greatness.
(And I’m not saying that because I’ve been bribed with delicious cookies. Many thanks.)
Fabulous picture, too.
August 31st, 2006 at 6:01 pm
yeah i saw that key chain and i was like “MINE” and grabbed it!
then i saw the red envelope and i was like “MINE” and grabbed that too! haha
red is deff a great color…. i mean best color!
September 1st, 2006 at 8:11 am
I agree with everyone else: your “Shootin’ ya…I’m shootin’ at ya with my finger, see?” tendencies are awesome and you should not go a-changin.
September 1st, 2006 at 10:37 am
You are not alone in having caught a little something I’ve termed the funk of the changing seasons, but seeing your one-legged, finger-shooting pose under that canopy of trees made me chuckle too. Enjoy the delicious long weekend.