Cookie Contest for Underachievers
Posted by Moose on August 4th, 2006. Filed under: I Live to Eat.Why do we enter contests? Because we’re greedy and we want to win things. Greedy and stingy, because we want these things but we don’t want to spend our hard-earned money on them. Money that has been earmarked for Cheetos. Maybe I’m the only person who is driven by avaricious greed to enter contests. I’d hate to paint you all with my tarred brush. I’m sure you’re all the souls of generosity, with excellent hygiene and perfectly made beds.
But maybe you can relate to the experience of NEVER WINNING ANYTHING EVER. Of spending hours pouring the best of your sticky black soul into a blog post, only to be upstaged by an 18-year old from Kentucky who wrote some touching story about her pet frog. Not that I know from experience or anything. Ahem.
Therefore: I present the contest that anyone with internet access and fingers can win. You don’t even really need fingers. You can hold a pen in your mouth and peck at the keyboard and still demonstrate your mastery over the contest.
To win some fresh, tasty cookies, simply head to the comments section and type, “Hi, I want some cookies.”
Seriously. That’s all you have to do. I will whip up a batch of cookies next week and trundle down to the mailbox to post you a little package. All for putting your superior intellect to the task and typing me a sentence. A short sentence.
I lie. You will also need to send me a little note (mooseinthekitchen(at)gmail(dot)com) with your address. You’re welcome to include your address in the comment but, seriously, dude, people on the internet are scary. You don’t want to be just handing out your address to someone you’ve never met.
If you’re wiggly about sending me – sweet, innocent me – your address, I understand. But in order to send you cookies, I need your address. It’s a flawed system. Please note: I’m way too lazy to stalk you. There is no way I’m getting off my couch to peer through your kitchen window in hopes of catching you picking your nose in front of the fridge.
Anywhere in the continental U.S. is fair game, but if you reside in Singapore, you might have to convince me. May I suggest a cunningly crafted haiku?
Moose mission: taking back contests for the mediocre!
PS: You don’t have to be mediocre. You can be fully awesome and still win. That’s how much I care.
Related posts:
August 4th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Hi. I want – I need – I gotta have – some yummie cookies!!
August 4th, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Hi! I want some cookies!
I mean seriously – do you think a figure like MINE is made by NOT having cookies? No! I neeeeeeeeed cookies! I must haaaaave cookies!
And did I mention how TOTALLY pretty I think you are? And Awesomely Cute and my! You are SMART and FUNNY too!
Yes. I will suckup for cookies.
hell, I’ll suck up for just about anything Free. But oh! COOKIES!
Ahem. And, in case that weren’t enough – Haiku!
My Alaskan life
would ne’re be complete without
Moose’s cookie treat!
*shining grin* I know. You totally love me best. Well, after Schnozz, cuz who wouldn’t love HER best? That’s perfectly understandable. I can take second. Even third. Specially when able to drown my sorrows in cookies. Did I mention I want cookies? Yes. Very well then.
Thus ends Lessa’s longest comment EVER.
August 4th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Ahem. Hey Moose, aka the most fabulous cook with keen fashion sense to boot, I would like, no LOVE, some cookies. I will even let you bogart my fries from Steak N’ Shake. I hope that’s bribery enough, because Leesa’s entry was pretty darn good and I don’t think I can’t beat that Haiku.
August 5th, 2006 at 11:40 am
Me, too. Cookies. Yum.
August 6th, 2006 at 4:25 am
Hello! I would take to some cookies!
see how i used my thesaurus? impressed? i thought so.
August 6th, 2006 at 10:28 am
I would like some cookies…to go to Miss Doakity. Now this may seem like I am a lazy, terrible friend (I mean really, shouldn’t I make them?), but let’s take a trip back down memory lane. Chocolate chips cookies that had apparently taken a Christmas holiday to Hawaii for a ‘suntan’. (And they didn’t even take me with them! The nerve!)
Yours are so much better.
August 6th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
Moose, I would love some cookies, but I’ll only take them on one condition: you have to let me make you some cookies, too. It only seems fair.
August 6th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
Ooh! Moose! Make Sam make you those Reeses thingies. SAM, MAKE THE REESES THINGIES!
And I will not be needing any cookies today, thank you. You’ve done enough damage to Mr. S’s expectations!
August 8th, 2006 at 9:48 am
Cookies are coming! They will be made tonight! Or possibly tomorrow night! Maybe even this weekend! But they are coming. You will know when I make them because I can’t seem to resist posting pictures of the mess I make of my kitchen all over the internet.
L: You get an extra cookie for the haiku. : )
Cookiemonster: I have no idea who you are, so send me your address if you want your fair share.
Sam: You can ABSOLUTELY send me some cookies. Yeehaw!
Schnozz: No cookies for you. But I did put the molasses cookie recipe in the mail this morning.
August 8th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
YAY! COOKIES!
August 8th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Hi! I want some cookies, please.
August 8th, 2006 at 4:34 pm
The lovely CC marks the last person to get cookies. The rest of you are out of luck. Unless you ask me really nicely. Or compose poetry comparing me to succulent chocolate chip morsels of happiness. Then you have to tell me how cute my dog is. (Hint: Very cute.)
August 8th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
I heard a tale
I know it’s true
that moose in the kitchen
has a doggy that’s cute
very cute, that is
I heard a tale
I know it’s true
that moose in the kitchen
makes cookies that make you drool
really drool, that is
I heard a tale
I know it’s true
that moose in the kitchen
is sending cookies to alaska
way up north in alaska, that is
I heard a tale
I know it’s true
that moose in the kitchen
said NO COOKIE FOR YOU (moosie)
NO COOKIE FOR YOU
(unless, of course – and you know I will -
you steal one from Lessa
who lives only two doors away
and who had best share with damamamoosie!
sigh another deadline missed just because I didn’t read fast enough.
next time -
COOKIES FOR ME!!!
>..
August 17th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
[...] You thought I forgot about the cookies I promised, didn’t you? I am writing to assure you that I haven’t. I think about the cookies I owe you every time I help myself to another handful of the chocolate chips. The chocolate chips I bought specifically for your cookies. I think about them every time I sit down on the couch to watch So You Think You Can Dance. Which, for those of you thinking I’m a Lazy Cookie Promising Wench Who Totally Shirks Her Cookie Making Duties (which is completely true), has happened exactly once. [...]