This made my day. I would like it to go on record that, at the time of the dish towel waving, I had consumed no alcohol whatsoever.
*In my world, “shortly” could mean tomorrow or next month or six years from now. Duly warned.
Things you want to hear from your dental hygienist: “My, what shiny smooth teeth you have. What perfect pink gums you have. May I take a picture of your sparkling grin for my scrapbook?”
Things you don’t want to hear from your dental hygienist: “Wow. Ew. Do you even know what’s back there? No, really. Yikes.”
Guess [...]
T-minus two days until I humiliate myself in a kickline. I haven’t participated in a kickline in 10 years. There’s a reason for this. That reason being that I like my pelvis unshattered.
If you don’t know what a kickline is – and, really, unless you’re a fan of Chorus Line or were subjected to high [...]
Unable to go anywhere without junk food, we packed two bags of Cheetos, one bag of gummy bears, one tube of fruit gems, two bags of peanuts, one package of cookies and one concentrated dose of “How can you eat all this crap and remain so damn skinny while I increasingly resemble a walking potato [...]
Because I’m leaving for New York in four and a half hours. I’ve been trying to fit Meeka in my suitcase, but gave it up as a bad job when her fuzzy limbs inexplicably expanded and she started gnawing on the zipper. As a consolation prize, she got bacon drippings poured over her morning doggy [...]
I live in a part of town that loves its fireworks. Gunshot cracks have been setting off car alarms all weekend. But, as darkness falls on the Fourth of July, the pops and whistles have become constant. I’m really glad the dog isn’t home because she’d surely be cowering in a corner, shedding even more [...]
