Moose in the Kitchen

Yesterday I was doing my yoga DVD. Because I have been told that yoga might help me relax and that I need to do more tree hugging. During the course of my yoga session, I hopped up no less than five times to do something else entirely.

[Standing mountain pose...] “I really need some soup. I think I’ll make soup.” Run to the kitchen and start slicing carrots. Dump carrots into pot, turn on stove, be amused by frothing beef stock for awhile. “I was doing something, wasn’t I?” Run back to the living room, kick dog off yoga mat, unpause DVD.

[Forward leaning muppet pose...] “I was going to clean my desk today, wasn’t I?” Race to the desk and pick up a few pieces of paper. Come to 20 minutes later and realize I’m surfing the internet instead of raising my higher consciousness – or at least stretching out my hamstrings – with yoga.

[Sideways pitching elephant pose...] “Shit! The soup!” Race to the kitchen and gingerly probe the mess in the pot. Remember that soup takes, like, an hour and a half to cook and it’s only been sitting there for 30 minutes. Responsibly set the timer. Return to yoga.

This went on for quite some time. I’ll spare you the gory details. Let’s just say toe nail clipping and sink scrubbing were involved. While wearing yoga pants. Guess how much I’m not relaxing while doing yoga this way?

The moral of this episode is that I have so many lists, so many things I think I should be doing, that I manage – somehow – not to get any of them done. Case in point: yoga. I need yoga to shut off my damn brain and enjoy some gently stretching platypus poses. You can’t accomplish this when your to-do list is a running monologue in your head of all the other things you could and should be doing. My to-do list even contains the action item “organize to-do lists.”

I so wish I were kidding.