Here’s a picture of a moose eating a tasty salad: This moose in no way resembles me, because the only thing I have eaten recently is a chocolate donut and a piece of pepperoni pizza.
There’s a dead fly on my bathroom mat. I’ve named it Stan. I don’t normally name dead insects in my house but I’ve taken a liking to this one. He’s been lying there, spindly legs sticking straight up, for about two weeks now. I’m somewhat obsessive compulsive, but not the good obsessive compulsive. The kind [...]
Woe betide the produce that finds itself sitting next to a pair of scissors at a certain time of the month. Poor cucumber.
This is Schnozz. That’s me on the right, molesting a pineapple: I met Schnozz here: I spend inordinate amounts of time staring at this glowing, gray box. Whenever I open the laptop, the dog heaves large, breathy sighs because she knows all my love is being siphoned off her and straight to bloggers I’ve never [...]
I have a rash on the inside of my left wrist. And a newly chipped front tooth. I have no idea how I managed to chip a tooth, but I keep wondering what happened to the missing bit. Did I spit it out? Swallow it? Is it on my floor somewhere? The only certainty is [...]
I’m still filled with joy over my new design. I’m also bogged down by trepidation. What if my posts aren’t equal to the beauty of the masthead? What if, now that I have my very own domain name, I flub? Stall. Forget to relay quotes like, “We’re a nation of hussies. Hussies who don’t wear [...]
Behold my beautiful new web site. I had nothing to do with it. Schnozz designed and implemented and tore out large chunks of hair while I sat at my computer eating bonbons and yelling “More shoes!” “Smaller font!” and “Stop giving me lip, woman!” She should know better than to do nice things for me. [...]
I made molasses spice cookies last night. There are people who need cookies, and these people can’t be ignored. Due to a certain recent incident, where a certain someone didn’t get any cookies, it has been alleged that I eat more than my fair share of treats. This is a blatant lie. Besides, if it [...]
Yesterday I was doing my yoga DVD. Because I have been told that yoga might help me relax and that I need to do more tree hugging. During the course of my yoga session, I hopped up no less than five times to do something else entirely. [Standing mountain pose...] “I really need some soup. [...]
“I’m glad I know you’re exaggerating. Otherwise I’d think you were a drunk.” Does anyone here not understand that I’m exaggerating? Anyone think I’m a drunk? If my own mother is a bit unclear, I thought it best to check with the rest of you. Allow me to state, in no uncertain terms, that I [...]
