I am awesome. I am getting more awesome everyday. Soon the weight of my awesomeness will shift the axis of the planet’s rotation until we all go the way of the dinosaurs. Is that a mole on your nose, or just a really big zit? I have a Castilleja cryptantha. From the genus Scrophulariaceae. My [...]
Since we’re sleeping on a mattress held up by the floor, the dog is allowed to snuggle on the bed. To be clear, this is not an activity that was previously met with anything but pushing hands and claws scrabbling for purchase on the wood slats. Dog + Bed = Unacceptable. The unblemished crisp whiteness [...]
Why are the directions to a simple bag of popcorn so militant? “Stay by the microwave and listen!” This was written on the bag in large letters. Below were dire warnings of melted flesh and destroyed lives, should your face be within six feet of the bag when you open it. The steam, you understand. [...]
I already know that I could never be a doctor with a legal MD. (Though I could provide competent services in a back alley somewhere with a leather strap and bloody hacksaw.) I now know that I could also never be a drug addict or even terribly promiscuous. (Do you KNOW how they test for [...]
Julia of Here be Hippogriffs. Not Julia Child. Both Julias have exemplary recipes but only one has a blog filled with charming anecdotes about her font loving son. Though Julia Child earns my everlasting respect for her commitment to dousing everything in butter. This was one of the first recipes I tried when I began [...]
I am surrounded by electronics. Pieces of equipment I can merrily flick on and off, without the slightest idea how any of it operates. When confronted with the wires that seem to mysteriously appear when you accidentally yank off a plastic control panel (next up, how I unintentionally hotwired a car), I start to stutter. [...]
I came of age in the era of internet courtship. I was wary of approaching random strangers in coffee shops or dark alleys, or wherever it is that you approach random strangers (I’m still not sure). So I decided to go cutting edge. Hiding behind a computer monitor was all the rage, and it was [...]
Some knock blogging, but this is only because they are not yet truly enlightened. I, if you hadn’t noticed, am truly enlightened. Listen to everything I say. Allow me, in my infinite wisdom, to provide sustenance for those parched, unplugged souls. Follow my word as if it were scripture carved into a rock in the [...]
The bathroom is clean. I feel much more at peace with my world. The antiseptic whiteness is totally worth the three hours I spent driving up Windex stock. The dog is no longer quivering in a corner. She is now happily peeing in her own backyard and doing unspeakable things with kitty turds. Like eating [...]
Moving is stressful. It fools you into thinking that the color of a wall is more important than household harmony. My brief respite at the funny farm last week (otherwise known as mom’s house) gave me some small measure of sanity. Very small. These small stores are currently being siphoned away by the yellow wall [...]
