Frequently Asked Questions
Posted by Moose on June 25th, 2006. Filed under: Random Lists.Note: The questions people actually ask me – like “Who ate all the Chex Mix?” and “What’s that smell?” – are not very interesting. So I’ve made some up.
Why do you let people write on your bathroom walls with crayons?
Where else would I get such linguistic gems as “Love isn’t enough if you suck”? Not to mention poems like “Here I sit/Trying to rhyme/Have to wipe/I’m out of time/Oh, the smell/It is a crime.” You can’t buy comedy like this, people.
Why do you insist on eating an entire bag of Chex Mix in one sitting?
Because they are deliciously crunchy and full of yummy preservatives.
How do you manage to so reliably ruin Caesar salads?
I never need Caesar salad for eight people so I try to divide the recipe. But I don’t understand fractions. Do you know what one fourth of 3 1/2 teaspoons is? Well, I don’t. Which means the salad turns soggy when all my proportions are off. Neither do I understand croutons. Apparently, they need to be baked for, like, hours instead of tossed in a pan with some olive oil for two minutes. Wet bread is not very appealing in salads. Or anywhere.
How many mimosas can you drink in one day?
At least eight. But my math becomes considerably less reliable after six, so I can’t be sure.
How long will people stay when you have a breakfast party?
Long enough for me to sober up after eight mimosas.
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