Centuries of oppression. Suffragettes being hauled to jail after hunger strikes. Woman suffering societal censure, low pay, and the criticism of their families – all in search of equality and the ability to make their own living. Now there’s me. I have a job, I can support myself, am a functioning member of society – [...]
I feel like a recently squashed beetle. Allow me to clarify. I have neither been recently squashed nor have I morphed into a large Kafka-esque bug who tragically identifies with a race that wants nothing more than to attack it with a giant can of Raid. But after sleeping significantly less than my optimal 13 [...]
There’s nothing like a wall-to-wall mirror, yoga pants, and a bunch of skinny girls prancing around to make you think, “Wow. That’s a mighty large butt I have there.” Do a few pirouettes, a little sashay thing and “Hey! There it is again!” Spin around the room, catch another glimpse, “Yup. Still big.” Jump in [...]
This is supposed to be a blog about my cooking, but as I rarely cook anything more complex than a bowl of cereal, I am going to branch out. With a rant. This particular rant is not directed toward Nigella, who I would like to assure of my deep, dysfunctional devotion. Instead, it’s a brief [...]
“Aren’t you cold?” “No. I’m not cold. Despite the frosty winds whipping through the misleading sunshine, I am not shivering in a tank top and skirt. I am performing a highly subtle form of ethnic dance that makes it look like I am quivering with chill when I am merely exercising my insanely developed muscular [...]
Sign that I Have Taken Leave of My Senses I brought prunes to work the other day. Who snacks on prunes before the age of 72? I don’t know. Why do we even have prunes? I DON’T KNOW! Furthermore, what demonic force inspired me to bring such sticky withered snacks? I suspect it was the [...]
Is 10:30 too early to eat my sandwich? Is copying out a list of the best places in San Francisco for fried chicken on a post-it note really the best use of my time? Why on earth would anyone try to cram two paragraphs of text into a 1/12 page ad? Did Nietzsche spend this [...]
I am so jealous. A little British person lives inside my friend’s new car. The little British person tells you how to find your house and the nearest gas station. In a tart upper-crust accent that gets all pissed off if you make a wrong turn. I got a ride yesterday in the gleaming new [...]
Subtitle: Damn It, Nigella! Nigella and I have a love/hate relationship. Actually, we don’t have any kind of relationship, as she is a cooking superstar and I am a random person in another country who likes to pretend she knows how to use a stove. Let’s say that I have a love/hate relationship with Nigella’s [...]
Hi. I’m alive. Just in case you were wondering, given the fact that I didn’t post yesterday and I clearly feel my life is not worth living if I don’t post every goddamn day of the week. Except weekends. Because, you know, I do have other commitments. Commitments like lying on the couch while the [...]
