Byline Shmyline
Posted by Moose on May 25th, 2006. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.My heart is pounding and I keep checking my teeth for stray spinach. I feel like I’m half an hour away from a first date with someone who is probably not a mass murderer and may even be a reasonable dinner companion. In other words, someone I really like. The heart pounding thing could be explained by the thermos of coffee I drank this morning, but I’m attributing it to the fact that I’m getting ready to send my first pitch to a national magazine.
My usual method of pitching stories is to yell, “I want to write a story about clown college!” across the room at my boss. She says sure. End of story. Something tells me that a national magazine might need to a bit more than this. Especially as a writer with (um, let’s see – one, two, three, oh right) NO national credits to her name. Though there is a book purported to be coming out this fall. I didn’t write the book. I just contributed a tarted up blog entry. To an editor who probably wants to smash his red pen up my nostril. (He kept taking things out of my story to tighten up the style and, being totally oblivious, I kept putting them back in. Sorry, Brendan!) This does not bode well.
I understand the freelance rule that your first 96 pitches will go nowhere. Which means I need to send out 97. I’m good with that. What I’m not good with is the very great possibility of sending out a severe faux pas with my name on it. One that immediately marks me as an amateur with a fondness for squirrels. Best case scenario, Madam Editor thinks it’s a fabulous idea and wants the story immediately. “Oh, wait. Was I supposed to have WRITTEN it already? Whoops.”
Now my heart is pounding and I want to throw up. I suspect that pitch letters are best sent out with a large margarita in hand.
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