Meeka and the Meatballs
Posted by Moose on May 22nd, 2006. Filed under: I Live to Eat.My aunt gave me Nigella Bites as a gift years before it ever occurred to me to use a stove. I pored over the pictures, completely ignoring the recipes because words like “braise” and “semolina” gave me a slight headache.
Now that cooking no longer seems the first step on the pitch-black road to insanity, Nigella has provided me with many frustrating afternoons. I’m reevaluating the insanity thing. I’ve made dreadful snickerdoodles, an amazing chocolate loaf cake, and a wretched batch of scones. Suspecting that I should hang up my baking soda, I decided to try a Nigella dinner – meatballs and fresh pasta.
That’s my cookbook. And a cheese grater. And the tip of a knife I used to stab the pig into submissively relinquishing her carcass. Hey, I needed pork.
Invigorated by the thought of so much meat, meat spiced with things like cheese and garlic, I went to the grocery store. Upon discovering that minced pork could apparently be found only in pork sausage, I decided that squeezing the meat out of the sausage casings wouldn’t be THAT disgusting. Anything for Nigella and my art. Until I managed to track down a nice plastic-wrapped package of pork and said screw Nigella and the art.
Yet the meat still bests me. Confused by the whole gram measurement thing for the meat, I just dumped in the entire package. I neglected to increase the amount of spice added. This lack of foresight will prove problematic.
Plunging my hands into raw meat was oddly satisfying. My blood lust is insatiable.
The dog had been hovering underfoot since I wrenched open the meat packages. She was happily sleeping in the living room until she heard that telltale rip and the smell of fresh meat wafted down the hall. She came screeching across the floor and turned her pleading eyes on me.
“Please can I have some meat? Please? Please? I want some meat.” Meeka pretends not to understand when I request a foot massage, but her English mysteriously improves when there’s meat to be had.
Rolling the mixture into meatballs was almost meditative. That’s code for “it took a long time and was kind of boring. But satisfyingly boring.”
With perfect snack-size meat treats only about six inches above her head, Meeka cracks.
I want some meatballs, woman!
See this here? This is another place I went wrong. I got the wrong kind of tomatoes. They were in juice, not tomatoey sauce, and I believe my meal suffered for it. But I was still clinging to the last vestiges of hope.
My hope for this dish crumbled approximately two minutes after this photo was taken. The meat balls were bland. As anyone with the IQ of, say, a turtle could guess, given that I increased the meat without increasing anything else in the recipe. The photos became increasingly fuzzy because I was increasingly drunk.
I failed, but I believe that the recipe has potential. For someone who knows how to follow directions. Or manages to remain sober throughout the process.
Meatballs (from Nigella Bites)
250g minced pork
250g minced beef
1 egg
2 tbsps freshly grated parmesan
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tsp dried oregano
3 tbsps semolina or breadcrumbs
good grind black pepper
1 tsp salt
Just put everything in a large bowl, and then, using your hands, mix to combine, before shaping into small balls. Place the meatballs on baking sheets or plates that you have lined with saran wrap, and put in the fridge as you finish them.
Tomato sauce:
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil (not extra virgin)
700g bottle tomato passata
pinch sugar
salt and pepper
100ml full fat milk
Put the onion, garlic and oregano into the process and blitz to a pulp. Heat the butter and oil in a deep wide pan, then scrape the onion-garlic mix into it and cook over a low-medium for about 10 minutes. Don’t let the mixture catch, just let it become soft. Add the bottle of passata and then fill the empty bottle half full with cold water. Add this to the pan with the pinch of sugar, some salt and pepper, and cook for about 10 minutes. The tomato sauce will appear thin at this stage, but don’t worry as it will thicken a little later. Stir in the milk, and then drop the meatballs in one by one. Don’t stir the pan until the meatballs have turned from pink to brown as you don’t want to break them up. Cook everything for about 20 minutes, with the lid only partially covering it. At the end of cooking time, check the seasoning as you may want more salt and a grind or two more of pepper.
Throw onto pasta. I like fresh pasta, especially because I can often convince someone else to make it for me.
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