Crumbling Under the Weight of My Awesome Organizational Powers
Posted by Moose on May 7th, 2006. Filed under: My Brain Needs a Drink.Inspired by (shamelessly plagiarizing?) a jihad plan of ass-kicking action, my grand scheme of Moose To-Do List Domination rocketed into action. The to-do list was cowering in my crosshairs, my schedule was being mercilessly stretched to accomodate all those things that Require Doing, and I was ready to party down with my insanely organized, massively productive (and fetchingly toned) new self.
A large portion of this scheme involved exercising for an hour every morning and writing (not in the blog, this is an important point) for an hour every night. It totally worked. For one whole day. The first day, I was feeling good. I was Accomplishing Things. I exercised for an hour in the morning (OK, 45 minutes) and I wrote for an hour and a half that night. Day 2 was the day I accidentally slept in. Exercise was foregone for the sake of making it to work on time. (OK, half an hour late.) I can redeem myself by writing this evening, I thought in that naive manner in which people think things like this on a Friday night. Then I accidentally drank half a bottle of champagne while making meatballs. I was snoring on the couch by 9:30, empty bottle in my limp hand and garlicky ground pork on my breath.
It’s little wonder that my bills screech in two minutes before gouging fines, the bottom of my to-do list still contains items from 2003, and I can’t find my left shoe. My ass-kicking action scheme didn’t last 23 hours before crumbling ignomoniously onto my unvacuumed rug. Yes, it crumbled. Ignomoniously. There were poofs of dust. I didn’t clean them up.
I couldn’t redevote myself to the jihad plan today because the majority of it was spent combing the farmer’s market for dill and making batch after batch of gluey scones. I can’t do it tomorrow, because tomorrow will be spent at a wedding shower, trying to convince guests that scones are, indeed, supposed to be the general size and consistency of hockey pucks. Cement ones. Jihad won’t work next weekend, because that is earmarked for Humboldt County and my brother’s graduation. The weekend after that will be spent at retirement parties, wedding parties and dress fittings. (All the days in between those weekends are also, um, full. Shush.)
I think I’ll just pick up this whole jihad thing in June. June will be a much better month for jihad. Do you think terrorists ever get waylaid by their special events calendar?
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